10% Happier with Dan Harris Folgen

We're now almost a full year into the era of Covid restrictions, and I suspect that many of you, as I am, are starting to internalize the fact that, notwithstanding the vaccines, there's likely a ways to go yet. And the mental health issues are piling up: The depression, anxiety, and addiction. Moms, people of color, and elderly people who can't see their families are among those getting hit especially hard. To inject a little sunshine, and perspective, and wisdom, we thought it might make sense to re-post one of our favorite conversations of the last year. Pema Chödrön has seemingly been trying to prepare us for this pandemic for years, through a series of popular books, with titles such as When Things Fall Apart, Welcoming the Unwelcome, and The Wisdom of No Escape. But as you will hear, she is anything but gloomy. Like all of the great meditation teachers I've met, she has a lightness and a sense of humor about her. She was born Deirdre Blomfield in Connecticut. She lived a conventional life, going to UC Berkeley, becoming a school teacher, and having a pair of kids. But after a rough divorce, she found herself adrift. During this time, she discovered Tibetan Buddhism, shaved her head, and became a nun. Now in her mid-eighties, she lives in rural Nova Scotia, where she is the director of Gampo Abbey. We connected with her — back in May — on an old-school landline. I was recording my half of the conversation from a closet in our erstwhile apartment in New York City, which at the time was the epicenter of the outbreak in America. We talked about how to actually welcome the unwelcome. We also discussed how to befriend your demons, sympathize without being stupid, lighten up in the face of fear, and embrace chaos as "extremely good news." One other thing: we would appreciate it if you could take a few minutes to help us out by answering a brand-new survey about your experience with this podcast. To do so, please go to https://www.tenpercent.com/survey. And thank you! Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/pema-chodron-repost

How do you relate to the more difficult— and even ugly— aspects of your personality? How do you feel about yourself when you are, say, in a judgmental or vengeful or jealous mode? Is that an opportunity for self-laceration? My guest today agrees with me that one of the healthiest possible inner moves is to learn how to hug your dragons, instead of attempting to slay them (which is only likely to make them stronger). Dr. Richard Schwartz is a psychotherapist with a Ph.D. in marriage and family therapy. He founded something called the Internal Family Systems model of therapy, often referred to as IFS. His basic idea is that our consciousness is broken down into several parts. These parts can become rebellious and troublesome when traumatized or unattended. In this conversation, we talk about: how to relate to your parts more successfully; the overlap between IFS and Buddhism; and why meditation isn't enough, in his view. We also attempt to dive in and do some IFS therapy work together. I'm not sure I was a particularly good patient, but you can judge for yourself. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/richard-schwartz-323

We have talked a lot on this show about how perfectionism can have pernicious impacts on your psyche. Today we're going to talk about how, by contrast, a certain kind of perfection is very much worth aiming for. We're diving into another Buddhist list in this episode: the six paramitas, or the six perfections. These are six mental skills that you will never perfect, most likely. But simply working on them can confer massive benefits. My guest is Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo. She was born Diane Perry in England, but 55 years ago, she traveled to India, where she ordained as a Tibetan Buddhist nun. At one point, she quite famously spent 12 years living and practicing in a cave in the Himalayas. She's now the Founding Director of the Dongyu Gatsal Ling Nunnery in India. We start by discussing her extraordinary life. Then we dive into the six paramitas. We talk about: why patience is a kind of armor, why we need other people to push our buttons, the importance of dissolving the small self to get to the perfection that lies beyond, how to convince your ego to walk this path, and why she thinks a sense of humor should be the seventh paramita. Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/jetsunma-tenzin-palmo-322